Obituary of Lucy Venus Asbury

Lucy Venus Asbury, age 19, died in her home one year ago on August 10, 2013. Her death was caused by recurrent pneumonia and severe epileptic seizures. She died comfortably in her mother’s arms, in her own bed, late on a Saturday afternoon. Lucy was special and unique from the moment she was born on May 28, 1994, in Olympia, Washington. The first and only child in her family, Lucy had a beauty and grace that captivated everyone. At a very early age, Lucy’s differences started to become apparent. Her body did not work properly for her, and she could not communicate using words. While she may have been without words, Lucy — especially for those with a special connection to her — knew how to make herself understood. Lucy taught about everything communicative that does NOT involve speech. Because of her motor skill incapacities, Lucy needed support and help doing all of the daily things of life, like feeding, dressing, and bathing for her entire life. And so in many ways, she was an observer. She was sassy, and a keen eavesdropper with a fantastic sense of humor. She loved people, and also loved her own space. She was a student in the Life Skills program at Capital High School, and when she chose to go, she had a great time. But what she really enjoyed was a long sleep and a lazy morning, and either being outside when the weather was nice, or hanging out watching trash TV or listening to music. She was, after all, a teenager. Her very most favorite thing was a milkshake. She made it clear that she would have been happy to consume only milkshakes for every meal. She had a varied palate, and her final favorite flavor was Maple Bacon Peanut Butter (Big Tom’s/Eagan’s in Tumwater). Even in her differences, Lucy was unique. She had many tentative diagnoses over the years, but never quite fit anything exactly. It was only when she became a legal adult and the courts became involved in making her mother her legal guardian, that the diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy/Epilepsy was given. Her long-term neurologist was convinced she had a variant of Angelman Syndrome. But the diagnostics never mattered. The essence of this child was pure and primal. A developmentally young 19-year-old with a million-year-old spirit, Lucy seemed to be suspended somewhere between us and the gods. She knew the answers to the secrets of the Universe, and was in on the great mystery. Despite sympathetic, amused eyeballs cast our way, she sure wasn’t telling. Lucy had her own way in the world. Her friends included humans, animals, insects, and plants. And she had dialogs with each. She made friends and family understand her with her bright eyes, impossibly perfect smile, and amazing laugh. Her friend Caitlin’s kids said that Lucy talked like an eagle, while others often called her a unicorn for her singular way of being. At least part of Lucy’s path was to be a teacher to the rest of us: of acceptance, of patience, of our base humanity. She was a child without ego, without malice, and the way she was and the way people reacted to her was a true tell of their natures. And it was only a rare occurrence when Lucy did not elicit smiles and kindness. Lucy was cool with who she was. Lucy taught love. In March 2013, Lucy’s seizures came back with a vengeance. And in May 2013, Lucy got pneumonia. Lucy spent her 18th birthday on a ventilator in the ICU at St. Peter’s. She came off the ventilator, breathing on her own, but she could no longer swallow. She had to have a feeding tube inserted through her belly, the first time she had ever had surgery. Lucy stayed alive and brave and smiling through the course of the summer of 2013, and during this time, she grew her wings as she drew people together. The theater of Lucy’s visitors is hard to describe. People from far and near, constant friends and folks long-lost all came to her side. Lucy was glad to have had a chance to reconnect with those she had not seen in years, and thrilled to have her extended friends and family around. In the course of growing her wings, she managed to summon everyone still alive who was important to her. Those who could not make it in person participated by telephone. And she made her peace. Lucy Venus Asbury is survived by her loving and grateful mother, Julia Asbury; the planet; the Opler, McGillivray, and Asbury clans; her long-term best friend Jen Moes and former step-mom Kristi Myles; a solid handful of adoring friends; and hundreds of people near and far whose lives Lucy touched in ways small and large. Endless thanks to so many of you who were there for us. And to these, and more, thank you for your concern and kindness in the aftermath of Lucy’s departure. There are too many to name, and I would be loathe to forget anyone. Thank you everyone for the love and support. And thank you to the mighty nine for the Viking funeral and Lulapalooza. I am blessed to have you. To each and every one of our friends, family, and loving humans… you mean the world. Lucy’s mother also extends her thanks to the people who helped Lucy professionally: Dr. Joanne Mayhew; Mary Bridge Neurology and Dr. Stephen Phillips; Olympia Physical Therapy; Olympia School District and the Life Skills Program at Capital HS; Providence St. Peter Hospital–2nd floor ICU, 9th floor Neurology, and the Emilie Gamelin Pavillion; the Palliative Care folks at St. Pete’s; Providence Sound HomeCare and Hospice; and finally, Jill and all the rest at Funeral Alternatives who treated me so kindly while my daughter was in your care. Lucy will be remembered for her quiet beauty, her unending sweetness, and her way of bringing out the best in everyone. Please leave memories of Lucy or condolences for her family in the Guestbook below.